Donovan McFlabb Upset Over Questions Regarding His Body Mass Index.

Funny story written by anthonyrosania

Friday, 3 December 2010


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Donovan McFlabb's life since joining the hapless Redskins has been a blur of criticism, condemnation and fatty foods. And, judging from McNabb's furious lashing out during his weekly after-loss press conference, it seems to be getting to him.

Here we go with the 'Mike Shanahan is a racist' sh-t again.

You're damned right. I hate Donovan McNabb, and I think he held the Eagles back. But for a white coach to say publicly that he had to trim his offensive playbook by 50% for McNabb to follow it smells funny. Sorry.

"Aren't fat people supposed to be jolly," asked Ray Didinger of the Philadelphia Daily News, a newspaper no one reads anymore. "Like Santa, and John Candy and Jessica Simpson?"

"I think that the problem is (coach Mike) Shanahan's offensive scheme, which is very complicated," said the Quarterpounderback."In Philly, it was 'hand-off to Westbrook, hand-off to Westbrook, throw at Westbrook's ankles for an incompletion, punt'. That was much easier."

NcNabb didn't initially address questions regarding his weight, even though the NFL's recent report revealed that, at McNabb's listed height and weight (6'2", 250lbs.) his Body Mass Index is a 30.8. Those with values above 25 are characterized as overweight and those above 30 are obese.

Tubby f--ker.

"What really got to him were the questions from the press," said Didinger, who really should start looking for a new job. Soon. "The journalists were really cruel to him."

"You say your weight problem is glandular," asked one writer. "How many glands do you eat a day?"

Another: "Could your double chin really win its own eating contest?"

"Is it true that McDonalds is renaming their rib sandwich 'The McNabb'?"

His former teammates have taken their shots as well.

"D Mac was my hero growing up," said second-year RB Eldra Buckley. "I loved him as Uncle Phil on 'The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air'."

"He told us he was taking a vacation to Sea World a couple years ago," said Lito Sheppard. "When he got back, he seemed heavier. He also demanded that we throw fish into his mouth every time he completed a pass."

Redskins head coach Mike Shanahan finally weighed in on the issue. "Donovan's problem isn't that he's fat, it's that he's black. You can't diet away black."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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