(Columbus, Ohio) - From the safety of a portable toilet in the recently renovated E. Gordon Gee Lavatory Complex, the President of The Ohio State University called the game between Boise State and Nevada "basically like watching two really good Ohio Division IV high school football teams play against one another".
Pundits immediately scrambled to make sense of Gee's critique, which resembled a recent unprovoked artillery barrage by North Korea into South Korea. While his comments did not kill anyone, Gee qualified his remarks with: "I meant that as a compliment, because Ohio has some very good high school football programs."
Sports analyst Lou Holtz agreed with President Gee, adding: "a squirrel doesn't horde nuts because it wears a bowtie, it hordes nuts because it's a squirrel".
