Written by SpaceElevator

Wednesday, 27 October 2010

image for Coroner's Report: Paul the Octopus Masturbated Himself to Death
O is for Octopus

The official, sordid critique on Paul the Octopus's death was confirmed Wednesday: Death by Self-Inflicted Overstimulation of his Erogenous Zone.

Dr. R. Quincy, M.E.: "Yep. That's what he did. Wouldn't you if you could?"

Quincy continued, "While the body of an octopus normally carries three pints of blood, during stimulation up to two pints will engorge the pubic area. With so many tentacles available, we think he went at it with reckless abandon and lost track of time. This created a dangerous red blood cell deficit situation that probably killed him."

On the bright side he died doing something that he loved, now didn't he?

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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