News which will take the sporting community by force.
Paul the Psychic Octopus was assassinated a few days ago, following rumours that England will win the World Cup Bid.
Russian tourists Vladimir and Putin have been arrested in Germany, and have been released on bail.
The octopus, who correctly predicted all of Germany's victories (and who's ancestor Pauline correctly picked Britain in the "Who's Gonna Win World War Two" Game) was found dead in his tank amidst a pool of pure vodka.
Reports of suicide have been put down, said Dwight Yorke, who was visiting the aquariam with his son.
"He's the English octopus. Fuck you Germans. He's one of us too!"
The German Office then replied "4-1 Yorke."
The Welsh are amongst the first to celebrate with the news that it's another English scumbag down.
More as it comes.