Feverish Hunt on to Replace Paul the Psychic Octopus with another Psychic Animal

Funny story written by Charpa93

Wednesday, 27 October 2010

image for Feverish Hunt on to Replace Paul the Psychic Octopus with another Psychic Animal

Folks with more to lose than just having to eat crow in the upcoming elections if their party doesn't do well-we're talking about heavy bettors who want to cash in on the Sharron Angles and Joe Millers of our time-are frantic on the news that Paul the Psychic Octopus is dead. They were banking heavily on his input before placing their bets.

So, naturally, the only thing left to do is find another equally talented psychic animal that can take Paul's place. The problem is, any animal they find won't have the winning track record to back them up that Paul had. For gosh sakes, he called just about every one of the World Cup games spot on.

It's being reported that there are a few replacements being considered and one of them even talks. An African Grey Parrot from Sarasota, Florida owned by Florence "Flo" Haskins claims her darling "Rushie" can tell you right off the bat who's gonna win this election. "The Republicans are gonna make mincemeat out of the Democrats," claims Rushie. From the time he gets up in the morning, to the time he sits and listens to the Rush Limbaugh show with Flo, he repeats this line over and over and over again.

Then there is a horse named Shiloh in Omaha, Nebraska, who, by shaking his head up and down for yes or side-to-side for no, can answer any political question you can throw at him and he has a high percentage rate of accuracy. For instance, he correctly predicted that Scott Brown would win Ted Kennedy's seat in Massachusetts. However, most feel that is because Shiloh is partial to the color brown and when asked if Jerry Brown would triumph over Meg Whitman in the California governor race, he emphatically shook his head up and down. If asked if Sherrod Brown of Ohio was a good man, he also shook his head and down.

This could mean one of several things, either Shiloh is a split-party horse or he favors the Democratic party, or, by the looks of his voting record, he's never been able to get the side-to-side motion down pat.

Let's face it. There will never be another Paul the Octopus. The owners are trying to make some kind of tank that will create wave action so that even in death, Paul could be tossed from one side to the other when making decisions. This is the best they've got so far unless that skittish lizard named "Izzy" from Arizona starts to do a little better moving the pointer of the Ouija Board that was built specially for him.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more