Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 11 October 2010

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image for England Footballers To Have "Gang Bang" Before Euro 2012 Qualifier
England players comparing notes on each other's mother-in-law

England coach Fabio Capello has confirmed in a statement this afternoon that his players are to warm-up for their Euro 2012 qualifying match with Montenegro at Wembley on Tuesday with a Roman-style orgy, involving all the players' wives and girlfriends, and, indeed, some of their mothers-in-law.

The move comes after a recent spate of 'sexual immorality atrocities' by players as respected and adored by youngsters as Frank Lampard, John Terry, Wayne Rooney and Ashley Cole, with Peter Crouch also behaving rather badly.

Capello has called for the extraordinary event to calm the nerves of his players ahead of the important game. He told reporters:

"Issa good to relax, and what better way to relax than with the family - or even your teammates' family?"

Capello laughed:

"I like gang bangs! I'm quite looking forward to giving Mrs Rooney one myself!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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