The Ryder Cup is facing a major set back after players facilities in Celtic Manor were left in pools of stagnant water and faeces.
The Ryder Cup committee have a terrible mess on their hands.
"We were all set to go here in Wales until we decided to bring in the Commonwealth Games consultants from Dehli. We thought they would have the skills and expertise to help us make the Ryder Cup a success."
"When they arrived they headed straight to the toilet facilities and just shat everywhere, they blocked the baths with soiled toilet paper and left the taps turned on flooding everywhere. We asked what they were doing but they told us just shut up and watch."
"Now they are hanging around the clubhouse waiting to be paid, refusing to move until they get cash, the place is still a mess."
The chaos has players worried.
"How am I meant to bring Welsh girls back to the bedroom when my bathroom is covered in shit? It just ruins the Romance?" - Tiger Woods