Commonwealth Games Village Is 'A Bit Shitty'

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 22 September 2010

image for Commonwealth Games Village Is 'A Bit Shitty'
The posh end of the village

The camp in which competitors at the Commonwealth games will stay, has been severely criticised by the head of the Games, who said the accommodation was "a bit shitty".

Commonwealth Games Federation chief Michael Fennell said the condition of the athletes village in Delhi had "shocked the majority of delegates".

Mr Fennell's comments came after a number of participating countries had reportedly objected to the living conditions in the athletes village.

The Delhi Games are being held from 3 to 14 October.

Mr Fennell said in a statement that he had urged the Indian government to take immediate action because many of the issues surrounding the complaints remained unresolved.

"The village is the cornerstone of any Games and the athletes deserve the best possible environment to prepare for their competition," he said. "Constructing apartments out of corrugated iron is not my idea of the best possible environment."

Reports said that New Zealand, Canada, Scotland and Ireland had objected to the living conditions in the athletes village, although Nigeria had countered this by calling them "plush".

"While cleanliness had been a concern for us, further inspections have revealed some issues with plumbing, wiring, no internet availability, no mobile phone coverage, lack of toilets, lack of beds, lack of running water, no electricity, severe infestations of cockroaches, ants, termites, rats, mice and locusts, and, to compound all this, there is a bloke outside every block with a snake in a basket. Also, there is excrement everywhere."

The New Zealand team's chef de mission Dave Currie said in a statement quoted by the Associated Press news agency.

"We will now be advising sports that the accommodation is a bit shiddy. I wouldn't expect a dog to have to stay in those conditions, much less athletes, even if some of the shotputters are, themselves, dog-like in their features."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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