Mascherano Signs for Barcelona's Deaf Contingent

Funny story written by Jeremy Paxman

Friday, 27 August 2010

image for Mascherano Signs for Barcelona's Deaf Contingent
Javier Mascherano - £20m Sign Language Expert for Barcelona

After weeks of debate, spat dummies, brinkmanship and multi-million pound offers for the diminuative Argentinean defensive midfielder; Javier Mascherano has finally agreed to 'sign' for Barcelona.

Apparantly, Barcelona has one of the highest contingent's of deaf players and fans in the Western hemisphere and Javier will be 'signing' for them. It is unknown at this stage whether he will also be helping some of the blind Spanish youngsters with their braille.

Mascherano learned to 'sign' after discovering that neither Rafa Benitez nor Diego Maradona ever listened to his moaning about missing his family or wanting even more money. He thus took it on himself to learn sign language in an attempt to get himself heard one way or another and it seems that this innovative strategy has now paid dividends for him.

£20m though for a player to 'sign' for Barcelona may seem a lot of money for many deaf people but Barca feel that Mascherano is a player who is worth 'signing' in midfield. It seems they are covered for signing in attack and defense but to ensure full coverage of their stadium for all their deaf fans; they needed a holding midfield player who could 'sign' from the centre of the pitch.

Javier Mascherano's press conference will be available with subtitles for the hearing impaired but naturally; he will also be 'signing' alongside his new manager.

Roy Hodgson gave his own sign language farewell to Mascherano. Two fingers.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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