Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 23 August 2010

image for Rooney On Target For Inverness Caledonian Thistle
A'you fucken looken at me, Jimmer?

Och! There was a day of joyous celebration for little-fancied Scottish Premier League side Inverness Caledoian Thistle yesterday, as they romped to a 4-0 away victory over Dundee United, with Adam Rooney helping himself to a brace of lovely goals.

Terry Butcher's side, also referred to as Inverness Caledonian T's, Inverness Caley* Thistle, Caley* Thistle, Caley* or Inverness CT for short, were always in control, and never looked back after Kevin McCann had put them ahead with an unstoppable shot after 34 minutes.

Rooney - who is absolutely no relation to the similarly-named, but very much more ugly, Wayne Rooney of Manchester United, scored the second from the edge of the box, and added a late penalty either side of a Russell Duncan lob over bizarrely-named Dundee goalkeeper Dusan Pernis, which sounds a bit like 'penis'.

Caley, who unlucky to lose 1-0 to title-chasing Celtic last week, have now lifted themselves into fifth place behind Hearts, who beat Hamilton Academicals, also 4-0.

Hamilton, themselves, also have a multitude of 'other' names. They are also known as the Academicals, the Accies, and the Shite, to name but three.

They'll be going down this year.


*Pronounced 'Cally'


THIS REPORT HAS HAD ALL SWEAR WORDS (APART FROM 'SHITE') REMOVED

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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