Matt Hardy buys WWE

Funny story written by Chris Brasington

Wednesday, 14 December 2005

image for Matt Hardy buys WWE
The new owner of World Wrestling Entertainment, bet you didn't see that coming

A surprise press conference was held today at the offices of World Wrestling Entertainment to announce the company's new owner. Matt Hardy.

Hardy was terminated from the company over a week ago due to what they claimed was "inapproprate internet actions". This action had to do with a situation between his former girlfriend, Amy "Lita" Dumas, and Adam "Edge" Copland. Hardy recieved the news while on the injured list for a torn ACL.

The support he recieved was overwhelming to say the least. From posts on his website to online petitions by fans wanting the WWE to rehire Hardy back , filled the web.
One form of support came from fans in the form of WWE stock. Hardy aquired 20 percent of the campany as a way to "get back at the company",according fans of Hardy.
Still feeling deeply hurt and vengeful, Hardy took it upon himself to see how muchmore stock he could purchase with the huge amount of money he had saved while working for the WWE...and selling Lita's used panties on E-Bay.

With a stroke of luck, an investment web site was selling WWE stock at ten cents a share. Which was nine cents more than it was really worth.
Hardy purchased as much stock as he could. After all was said and done, Hardy had aquired 99 percent of company, with the remaining stock owned by the MacMahon family.

The press conference was attended by Vince MacMahon, his wife Linda, and the WWE board members. Vince made the announcement about the the change over. It was said he had a tear in his eye.

Matt Hardy then took over the event saying how happy he was returning to the WWE and how, as the new owner, will make changes that will bring fans back to the world of wrestling.

The list of changes includes:

-More wrestling, less storylines.
-Cancel the new diva search contest(which was greeted by cheers from the press)
-Push younger talent to create new superstars.
-Rehire Rhyno and Molly Holly.
-More wrestling, less storylines.
-Firing all divas who cannot wrestle.(which leaves only 2)
-Have John Cena kicked in the crotch by every employee in the company for ruining the WWE championship belt
-And more wrestling, less storylines.

It was at this point that Vince MacMahon started screaming ."He's crazy! No storylines?! Actual wrestling on a wrestling program?! He'll ruin this company!" After that he fainted.

But the real question was what will be Hardy's plans for Edge and Lita.
"Well as for Edge, I see a new direction for his character." said Hardy. "He'll come to the ring dressed in a giant diaper, cry like a baby, and poop his pants. I know it will never get over with the fans, but what do I care. He f****ed me over!"

Lita will be sent to the companys development camp, OVW. And the only way she can get back to the WWE is doing something involving the number 37. Something, Hardy says, that Kevin Smith fans would get.

The changes will start the monday after the next Raw PPV, Backlash.

And on a side note, Triple H is filing for divorice from Stephanie MacMahon. The couple have been married for nearly 2 years.
He has also been seen sending secret admire notes to Matt Hardy, declairing his love for the new owner

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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