Honda recalls all Element models; apologizes profusely

Funny story written by Vardy

Monday, 25 April 2005

image for Honda recalls all Element models; apologizes profusely
Honda's equivalent of the Pinto

As of May 1st, all Honda Elements will be systematically recalled and destroyed, said American Honda President Koichi Kondo at a press conference late last week. Speculation that the vehicle had mechanical deficiencies were false, said Kondo, but Honda simply apologizes profusely for the "aesthetic abomination" they created and peddled to consumers in recent years.

"We at Honda realize we know how to build a fuel-efficient, value-added vehicle", said Honda of America Mfg. President Koki Hirashima. "but we just have no sense of style when it comes to exterior design. We have lost touch with the trends of today."

The Honda Element was rolled out in 2004 to much fanfare as a vehicle that would suit the family and the adventurous type. They boasted about its easy-to-clean interior, its practical design and its ability to catre to a wide demographic. Sales at first were brisk, mainly from husbands who never ran the purchase decision by their wives, but fell sharply after consumers dubbed the car "butt-ugly" and "The Legomobile". An advertising campaign showing the Element as if it was built using Lego blocks had an impact on this name-calling as well.

"Anyone who has purchased this vehicle will gladly be able to choose either a CRV or Odyssey to replace it, depending on their needs", said Kondo. "But we must stress that you must have hosed down the interior of the Element first, as we want a clean vehicle returned to us for burning."

Those who purchased the Element on a whim or dare last year were relieved.

"Man, am I ever grateful they're doing this", stated John Frechank of Gary, Indiana. "My wife might let me sleep in the bed again."

Others weren't so pleased, given the fact that any Elements seen on the road will be repossessed immediately - regardless of location or circumstance.

"I think the thing is great", said Ryan Michaels of Hamilton, Ohio. "It was great for cargo space and looked different. Now I'm going to have to go buy a Pontiac Aztec."

Word has it that General Motors may soon follow Honda's lead, as the Aztec has been considered even a less pleasing vehicle to look at.

Any persons owning a Honda Element are asked to report ot their nearest Honda dealer for a new vehicle and a punch to the side of the head for making the purchase in the first place.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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