Ascot - (Leeches): A Guatamalan-sized giant sinkhole in Ascot's balance sheet is playing havoc with next week's five day royal meeting.
Forensic accountants probing Ascot's finances said a Deepwater Horizon-style haemorrhage has bled dry the racecourse's assets.
The Queen has been informed and is staying nervously schtum.
However a secret royal gagging order was issued today after the media got hold of reports that last year's record £10 million Ascot bar receipts had 'mysteriously vanished'.
Over the last 13 years the House of Windsor circus act has swollen beyond accepted boundaries of decency to include the bankrolling of wastrel morons like the Wessexes, Beatrice and Eugenie and countless other desperate wannabes.
Months of Palace pleading for an increase in royal benefits handouts came to nought prompting speculation that 'The Firm' would soon home in on soft targets such as the racecourse booze coffers.
Source close to royal bank Cuntts & Co said it would be ironic if the annual racing shindig next week has to be cancelled because of Fraud Squad security cordons barring access to the Surrey racecourse.
Camilla owes Northern Crock Bank £15 million.
