A secret FIFA document nicknamed FAT (for "Fight Against Terriers") was unveiled yesterday at the Resist Alienation by Football (RAF) Headquarters in Geneva.
Understanding foul English language
RAF spokesman, Gator Skwaerhed, explained how FIFA secretly had its World Cup referees trained to understand insults and obscenities in English only, so that they can catch foul-mouthed players on the spot and send them off. Its secret goal is to secure an all-Adidas World Cup Final.
The link between insults in English and Adidas winning the World Cup is easy to understand for insider football fans.
Says Skwaerhed: "FIFA is a subsidiary of Adidas, and they want the World Cup in Adidas hands this time. English speaking sides do not wear Adidas."
The marketing missing link
Adidas is a sports brand that does not seem to be able to conquer white middle and upper class hearts in English-speaking countries. Despite its opening of huge outlets on the island of Manhattan, the three-stripes brand seems to remain a gangs-only signal.
As part of its World domination strategy, Adidas devised its "Catch the insult" scheme in order to tilt the odds against non-Adidas wearing sides, those that do speak English.
According to Skwaerhed: "England's Rooney was sent off in their quarter-final defeat by Portugal four years ago. This incident was studied by the Adidas Media Research team and gave the inspiration for the new scheme."
