Dumb-ass Texans WR Outsmarts Himself Out Of $20 Million

Funny story written by anthonyrosania

Monday, 7 June 2010

image for Dumb-ass Texans WR Outsmarts Himself Out Of $20 Million
Uncle Andre: "I blew off a World of Warcraft LAN party for this???

A truth: A lawyer who represents himself has a fool for a client. Knucklehead jock Andre Johnson has fu-ked himself out of $20 million, all because he represented himself during contract negotiations.

See, Johnson represented himself when he signed a (well, he used his uncle Andre Melton as an advisor.)

Those would be wonderful points to make in a contract negotiation … if Johnson didn't have five years left on his current deal. He could even use those points to counter the negativity of a holdout if Johnson was playing serious hardball with the Texans by not showing up for offseason work at all. However, Johnson has been far from disruptive. Instead, he missed three days of workouts this offseason, showed up to tell management he wasn't happy and then went back to work with his teammates.

He did that even after Melton hinted to the media that Johnson was going to play rough with the Texans.

"My uncle may have said some things about what he thought I should do, but that didn't come from me," said Johnson, who led the league with 1,569 receiving yards last season.

Here's the deal: As a rookie, Andre signed a six-year, $39 million contract. Here's the F-up: After the first four years of that deal, Johnson had earned $21.71 million and had two years left on his rookie deal. He would have made $8.35 million in 2007 and again in 2008 for a total of $38.41 million over the first six years of his contract.

That also would have made Johnson a free agent or franchise player in the 2009 offseason. But... instead of playing out the final two years and getting leverage that comes with being a free agent or franchise player, Johnson signed a new deal in March 2007, adding six years to his original contract. D'oh! The result was basically an eight-year deal worth $60 million.

Now, I know, boo-frigging-hoo. However, based on what other similar WRs, Johnson could have made more than $10 million per year if he had waited.


The bottom line is this, if Johnson had been patient, he could have hauled in more than $104 million over the same 12 years where he stands to make $81.71 million.

Uncle Andre could not explain his stupidity.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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