Ivana Phuque Announces Shock Retirement

Funny story written by Earl Grey

Thursday, 25 February 2010

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Sorry to see you go!

Ivana Phuque has announced that she will cease to compete after these Winter Olympics are over. The Swedish speed skater, famed for her long, blonde hair and massive breasts has decided that she no longer wishes to put her body through the grueling training schedules that have been part of her life for the last four years.

"I want to enjoy life" said Ivana Phuque. "I want to travel and meet lots of really interesting people and sleep with them." Unconfirmed reports from the Olympic Village suggest that she has already begun this mission in Vancouver. She is thought to be the reason why the German four-man bob team are so bloody cheerful all the time.

Phuque has been the major find of this Olympics. with her stunning looks and undoubted talent she has dominated the reporting of the games. It's been hard to keep her off the back pages. BBC's Adrian Chiles said "Without doubt this young lady has been the Kuntz of this tournament. Without her it was just snow and ice."

Phuque has one more race before she calls it quits. The final of the women's 1000 meters against Mary Hinge of the United States. Millions of men all over the world will be hoping for a Phuque.... victory.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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