Tevez Lambasts Neville - Non-Spanish Speakers Baffled

Written by Skoob1999

Friday, 22 January 2010

image for Tevez Lambasts Neville - Non-Spanish Speakers Baffled
Gary Neville - Sock-sucker - Apparently.

It seems that Carlos Tevez has given former team mate Gary Neville a proper verbal roasting following his on the pitch antics Tuesday night in the Manchester derby, during which he scored both City goals in a dead spawny win. One from a penalty that never was.

Tevez branded Neville as a "tarado" - a moron. He also alleged that Neville was a "chuparnedias" a sock sucking, boot licking "hijo de puta" - son of a bitch.

All of which means not a great deal to Neville, or United fans, most of whom only know one phrase in Spanish - "Una cervesa para mi por favor Manuel" - a beer for me please waiter.

Some United fans reacted angrily to Tevez's outburst, prompted by Scouse-hater Neville's remark that the Argentinian striker wasn't worth the £25 million it would have taken to retain his services at Old Trafford. These disgruntled fans sent Tevez a mountain of e-mails consisting of the most terrible insults in Arabic and Esperanto.

To see how he likes being called things he doesn't understand. Or something.

United fans are expected to hand a warm welcome to Tevez at Old Trafford - with ritualistic burning of effigies along Sir Matt Busby Way, nee Warwick Road.

Gary Neville reportedly told close friends privately that he thought Tevez was pug ugly, that he has a face like a robber's dog, and that he's all wind and piss, but Neville declined to make that statement public on the grounds that he's too much of a gentleman to air private grievances in a public forum.

More as we get it.

In related news, the Glazer Family have secured £500 million in a bond issue, which should keep the bailiffs at bay for a while longer.

With thanks to Abel for the use of the related news device.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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