Rachel Uchitel paid $1m by Tiger Woods, but he still denies 'it'

Funny story written by Aisubeki Akiudo

Friday, 4 December 2009


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Rachel Uchitel paid $1m by Tiger Woods, but he still denies 'it'
Uchitel - now fucking loaded? No fucking shit!

(Defecated News)Reports in the last few minutes have confirmed that the alleged payment of $1m from Tiger Woods to Rachel Uchitel DID happen, although Woods claims to have a reasonable explanation for this.

With his ever-uncertain marriage, and with a face like he's been ten rounds with Tyson, things seem to getting from 'fucking shitty beyond belief' to 'fucked up beyond all recognition, muthafucka'.

But with the news of the $1m payout, Tiger Woods was quick to defend his actions and deny that it was really a scheme to stop her talking about how 'they shared love juices'

In an EXCLUSIVE interview with The Spoof, Woods explained himself:

"Rachel is a fine upstanding citizen and represents all that is good and right about the US of A. I did not on any occasion have sexual relations with that woman. Although I did ask her to stick a cigar in her 'holiest of holes' for me while I 'knocked one out'..."

"Yes I paid her, but that was for her buy herself some new shoes and some tampons."

Tiger's wife, Elin Nordegren (who is SERIOUSLY hot - I mean, what the fuck was Tiger thinking playing away from home, when he can come home to THAT? I mean - come on! Fellas, you know what I'm saying, right? She is so fine it makes me want to whine.), is consulting her lawyers about a possible 'financial fucking over' of Mr Woods.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more