Louis Walsh was thrown into complete disarray after his novelty act John and Edward Grimes crashed out of competition in the most shocking X Factor episode ever. After the show the boys, their glittering career in tatters, were whisked into a waiting cab with specially blackened windows and driven straight to the £1000 a night Priory Clinic.
"The boys are inconsolable" said Louis, talking exclusively to the media. "They're too young for conventional medication but their consultant has managed to stabilise them with Haribo and Red Bull. It's too early to make a statement; however I can reveal they're sitting up in bed with the telly on, comparing meerkats."
"I can't imagine what they're going through" Louis went on. "What must it be like to be eighteen years old with your future round your ankles? I may look calm but behind the Botox I'm deeply, deeply upset. The twins have to stay in the Priory until they're well enough to accept the news that Syco isn't picking up the tab."
Although a recording contract is now off the cards, a glimmer of hope still beckons. It's been widely reported in showbiz circles that Jedward have been invited to turn on the Christmas lights at Poundland in Hackney.
A special victim support helpline has been set up for fans of the twins.