Frank Warren turns down Gerrard as only 1 in 3 punches land

Funny story written by Not The Nine O'clock News

Thursday, 23 July 2009


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Gerrard - shit at boxing

Liverpool: Warren pulls out of promoting
Gerrard fight with Becks as news emerges from a packed Liverpool Crown Courtroom that Steven Gerrard had allegedly thrown three punches, yet only one hit the defendant, during the fight that led to his charge of affray.

Frank Warren said "Ur 'avin a Steffi Graff aintchya . 1 outta free just aint good enough. He tried a bish bash bosh and it all went Pete Tong."

CCTV video of the incident was shown to shocked jurors who saw Mr Gerrard allegedly throw 3 uppercuts towards the defendant, after he had been elbowed by another of Gerrards friends.

Warren continued "If e gets done for this, e's ganna end up a bum bandit inside. I cahnt let this guy 'ave a ruck with Becks, Becks'll kill the norvern mappet"

Meanwhile back in the courtroom, Gerrard denied he had acted violently and used his fists as an act of self defence.

"yeah, yer know like, errrm, like, de lad swung a punch at me I tink, I wuz pissed as a fart ye know, so errmmm, so I sparked him like yer know, like a good scouser should, anall dat......errrm...yeah de fucker"

Eye witnesses watching the drama noted how Gerrard tried to pull the defendants jumper over his head, whilst dishing out the 3 punches Manager, Mark Jones of Southport said "Gerrard and 3 or 4 of his mates all arrived in pale blue jumpers and Gerrard being Gerrard, he wanted to be different and he tried to steal the lads jumper, which was a red one.... it had nothing to do with music at all"

Topless Bargirl Michelle Burns, unsurprisingly also from Southport said to a packed court - "Gerrard completely lost it when the lad told him to 'fuck off ya robbin scouse bastard'. I've seen gerrard dive before in the 18 yard box, but this time it was his opponent who went down like a sack of spuds,"

The case continues.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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