Chelsea are believed to have signed Russian ace Youra Shirker from C3PO Moscow for £10 million. The left footed international is expected to be paraded at the club's training ground in the next few days. New Chelsea manager Carlos Thatsyourlotti said "I've always wanted to sign Shirker. Now that I am in England it is even more important that I have a Shirker in the squad."
Shirker is described as being "all left-footed". This may have something to do with the fact that he grew up near Chernobyl and his right foot resembles a cabbage. However, he is a very talented player who plays in the left full back position for his national side.
The news of the signing has left the future of Rashley Cole in doubt. The two will clash for the same position. Cole was unavailable for comment. "He's gone looking for a hairdresser from Morden" said his agent.