Weeks after Real Madrid's summer draft coup with the signing of superstr strikers Kaka and Ronaldo, Barça president, Joan Laporta, is still reeling from the aftermath.
"What's wrong with these people?" fumed Laporta to a roomful of tabloid reporters, the only kind of press coverage the club president seems to be attracting these days.
"We are the champions. Why don't we get any respect?" he asked rhetorically in an apparent reference to comedian Rodney Dangerfield's tag line.
"Zapatero (Spain's president) is an avid Barça fan. But little good it's doing us if he's not willing to send some of that ill-gotten wealth our way. These socialists are such greedy bastards," added the culé head honcho.
"Having few options and less resources, I was forced to railroad Real's signing of David Villa through some back room rumor mongering. If we can't have Villa, then Madrid shouldn't have him, either!" exclaimed Laporta, his face turning cherry red with anger. At this point, one of his assistants handed him a Valium lest his throbbing temple veins cause him an aneurysm.
Aside from a lack of player strategy for La Liga's next season, Barcelona F.C. face internal dissent from star striker Samuel E'too and goalie Victor Valdes.
However, not everything is bad news at the Barca club. Laporta assuaged fans' fears by guaranteeing he is putting together a championship fussball team. "One of our teams will bring home the bacon."