Tony Adams eyes up Madrid manager role

Funny story written by Kent Pete

Wednesday, 3 June 2009

image for Tony Adams eyes up Madrid manager role
Madrid awaits ?

Former Portsmouth boss Tony Adams says he is in the frame to become the new Real Madrid manager should the club appoint Arsene Wenger as technical director.

Adams said Madrid approached Wenger, who recommended him. But a club source has denied Adams is a candidate.

"When Madrid approached Arsene he very kindly said that Tony Adams was the man they needed to go and get," said Adams.

"I'm very interested. I do love winning things, so it does appeal but as of yet, no phone calls."

Adams has been out of the game since being sacked by Portsmouth in February, having won just three of 22 games in charge. Prior to that, the former Arsenal and England captain was number two to Harry Redknapp at Pompey, after an ill-fated spell in charge of Wycombe where he took a young and promising team to the foot of League One and a coaching job in the Netherlands with Feyenoord where it is rumoured he accidentally set fire to the team bus on more than one occasion.

Statistically Adams is one of the Football League's least successful manager's of all time having won only 6% of his total games in charge and it does seem unlikely that a club as high profile as Real Madrid would see him as the ideal choice to close the gap between themselves and their fierce Catalan rivals Barcelona.

"I really appreciate and I'm really thankful that there are people in the game who are batting for me and putting me up for the jobs," said Adams.

"By saying manager, it is kind of a head coach / head chef position really because once you have a technical director like you have in Europe, they help you with recruitment".

Adams who has recently been seen on the BBC's 'Celebrity Master Chef' denies that the role to be offered was primarily a catering post.

"Absolutely not. I do have a natural flair for cooking and my Beef Consommé was recently recommended by none other than Marco Pierre Van Basten, however the post that Real are about to offer me is I believe 60-70% football based. It is true there may be some catering involved but the modern day manager must be able to multi task if he is to be successful"

"As long as you have the final say of who comes in and out, and what meals are served in the staff canteen, these people are your help in the boardroom".

"I never had that at Fratton Park. I would often arrive at work on a Monday morning to discover that they had changed the entire menu. It undermines your authority and eventually you lose credibilty with the players. I firmly believe that had Portsmouth kept faith in my sea food based diet the club would have been close to the top of the Premiership today. Real is an unbelievable club, you must have at least a 50% chance of actually winning something over there."

Arsene Wenger was not available for comment this morning. However Arsenal F.C did release a press statement saying that Adams 'Escargots de Bourgogne' was the best the club had ever tasted.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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