Simon Cowell, the X-Factor judge, and of many other such trashy, throwaway talentless competitions, is tonight involved in consultations with Snooker's governing body, to thrash out a rescue plan for the dying sport.
Yes, that's right, "a dying sport", for thus was it described by none other than snooker's Prince of Darkness himself, Ronnie O'Sullivan, after he admitted that he no longer cared whether or not he potted another ball.
O'Sullivan told reporters after he beat Joe Perry 6-5 in the British Masters last night, that snooker was past its glory days, and he now felt as if he was playing at Butlins every time he went out to play a match.
The idea to seek Cowell's help came after the Londoner was watching the X-Factor recently. He said:
"Snooker needs to be more dynamic, wotsit? glitzy. Someone like Mr Cowell could do that. We need somefink to get the crowd goin, like singin, dancin, magic, stuff like that. And cheerleaders wiv tits 'anging aht."
Simon Cowell spoke briefly to journalists, and said:
"Yes, I see snooker on the telly and, frankly, it's dismal... (booing) ... I mean, come on, I get more excitement from listening to a Christmas compilation performed by JLS! Terrible! What I think you need to do is to go away and listen to yourself, and to take my advice rather than just standing there and warbling on like that... (cries of derision) ... Even in the days of Doug Mountjoy and John Spencer, the game was dying on its feet, but now it's just awful. That's a "No!" from me!"
Ray Reardon is 93.
