New York/NY Sporting Times - The spendthrift Yankees continued their wanton ways today with the announcement that they had added "The Queen of Pop" to their already potent,though aging , lineup.
Madonna, known as a racy switch hitter after her early relationship with bisexual porn star Tony Ward, is expected to add missing excitement to an already aging lineup. Madonna,50, will also be setting a major league record by being the oldest major leaguer, outside of Satchel Paige, to start in a professional major league baseball game.
Contract terms are still being worked out, but Hollywood insiders say she has said she "will play for almost nothing" after her L50,000 divorce settlement to former husband Guy Ritchie.
A-Rod, is said to be "beside himself" over the signing, saying he hasn't had anybody this sexy as a road roomie since he broke in as a rookie and endured living with batting coach Elston Howard.
Like Madonna, A-Rod is coming off a pricey divorce settlement with his wife, who wants a big part of his record setting $275M contract, and leaving him with only his jock, if she has her way.
A-Rod and Madonna became a tabloid sensation last year after SCREW magazine linked them romantically in several late night sexcapades allegedly occurring at the Diva's NY apartment, while they were both married.
As a result, sports writers claim A-Rods performance suffered on the field, but not in the bedroom, leading to a mediocre year for the Yanks, and one of the few times they did not make it to the playoffs.
Many former Yankee greats, who didn't want to be quoted, said that this was the year the Pin Stripes would return to capture the American League Pennant. They said returning to the old days under Billy Martin where sex in the club house kept everyone's spirits up would make all the difference in the standings. One Hall of Famer said Madonna's addition to after game gang bangs would show immediate dividends on the field.
Adding to his personal wealth, A-Rod has agreed to replace Sen. Dole in Viagra ads which will pay him an additional yearly fee of $7m plus a signing boner of $1.5M.
Meanwhile, a Yankee hitting coach is working with Madonna on her batting grip. He said she is making good contact while holding the 31 oz. bat in her mouth, and next week she will work on holding it in her hands and try for distance.
