More shocking and tawdry used tampon slinging has emanated from the Ritchie Camp. Madonna's publicist Liz Rosenberg has gone AWOL, and is currently holed up in a 6 star deluxe cherry picking Kibbutz in Israel, from where she is revealing to 'cherry-picked' high profile media figures, for astronomical amounts of money, all the dish on the Ritchies.
Our undercover reporter, after days of stealthily outwitting Liz Rosenberg's bull-dyke security crew (a whole other story there believe me!), has finally returned to spill the beans.
According to our insider, Madonna regularly ordered 'Danone' bio-active yoghurts, so much so that she would almost fill a whole shelf in the fridge. This was a major stickling point with Guy. Apparently one day Liz was around at their London townhouse, and witnessed a furious scene between Guy and Madonna.
- Madonna: 'Guy, could you get me a prune bio-activ 'danone' from the fridge darling?'
Guy: 'Oh for sure dear'
Madonna: (opening Danone) 'mmmm...Danone (giggles)'
Guy: (laughs) 'really dear, you do like to stock up on the bio-actives just a tad don't you?'
Guy and Madonna: (laugh hysterically).
Liz: (stutters) 'I..I..I better go'
Liz: 'No, it's..it's fine, I'm so sorry, I...I..didn't mean to intrude...'
Liz: (hurriedly backing to door) 'they're ONLY yoghurts you know! (sobs) FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!' (runs out and slams door).
Guy and Madonna: '??????'
As unbelievable and shocking as this account is, Ms Rosenberg told the assembled media figures: 'You think this is bad, I almost died I tell ya, but it gets worse...believe me!'
Unfortunately for our undercover reporter, disguised heavily as a burlesque belly dancer, a member of Ms Rosenbergs lesbo security team decided to surrepticiously 'slip a finger' but ended up 'ahem' weighing some jewels. Oh dear.
More incredible scoops from the Ritchie camp...coming soon!
Eddy Dubois, reporting for The Spoof.