After a vast number of injuries to the German football team, national coach Herman Bimmler has been forced to call up some lesser known players for this evening's friendly match against England.
Controversially, Herman Hitler, the illegitimate grandson of Adolf Hitler, will play for Germany. Hitler is a right winger with a lightning attack although it is alleged he only has one ball technique.
The German coach has also called up David Hasselhoff, as coach Bimmler explained, "Ve vil probably vin. After all, zey have an Italian manager, you should never collaborate vis zose useless vops.
"Also ve are bringing in ze Hoff to improve ze morale of our troops - I mean our fans!"