Written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 31 October 2008

image for Big Phil Scolari Gets Weetabix Stuck In His Moustache
Scolari at breakfast (archive)

Chelsea manager Luis Felipe Scolari has a crisis on his hands ahead of Saturday's game with Sunderland at Stamford Bridge, after a breakfast-time incident in which a mouthful of Weetabix became stuck in his moustache.

Scolari, 59, regularly eats Corn Flakes for breakfast, followed by toast and coffee, but his wife saw a friend in town on Wednesday, and by the time she got to Aldi, there were no more Corn Flakes on the shelf, and she opted for a pack of wheaty wholegrain goodness instead.

This morning, however, Big Phil came a cropper when eating his 'most important meal of the day'. Reading a newspaper report about the disgraceful prank calls to Andrew Sachs made by Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand, the Chelsea boss spluttered on some milk, and a mouthful of soggy Weetabix ended up stuck fast in his dodgy Lady Tickler.

His wife tried to dislodge it, but in seconds it was set hard, and the Brazilian was rushed to hospital for emergency surgery.

If you've read this far, you must be pretty lost for something to do.

Prediction: Chelsea 4 Sunderland 1

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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