Written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 20 June 2008

image for Cristiano Ronaldo To Stay At Manchester United
Remember that wink, Utd fans?

Cristiano Ronaldo, the Manchester United winger, is to stay at Old Trafford and will, more than likely, end his playing career there, says an 'insider' at the club.

Ronaldo looked despondent as he trudged off the pitch last night after Portugal's 3-2 defeat at the hands of Germany, but he was upbeat later, and said he couldn't wait to get back to the UK.

According to the 'insider', Ronaldo feels Manchester is his home, and he would find it unbearable to leave the area after settling in so well.

So settled-in is the Portugeezer, that he shuns the idea of moving to a penthouse apartment with a pool in Spain, and backs this up by confirming that he has a two-up, two-down Council slum in Crumpsall.

He loves the weather, preferring it to the hot, sticky climates of either Lisbon or Madrid, and claims that, instead of exquisite Latin dishes, he would much rather go to sit down at the local cafe for a steak and kidney pudding and chips, or Lancashire Hotpot and a mug of tea.

Nowadays, Ronaldo wouldn't be seen dead sipping Mediterranean wine, plumping instead for a pint of mild whilst he listens, not to Julio or Enrique Iglesias, but to the Stone Roses and the Happy Mondays.

The 'insider', who cannot be named because he doesn't exist, says Manchester United fans will now start to realise the true meaning of that wink he gave them during the 2006 World Cup.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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