Chelsea footballer Joe Cole has been hauled before football's governing body, UEFA to explain why he continues to wears extra-short shorts despite two previous warnings and a £10,000 fine.
Cole does not have his shorts specially made, as many fans believe, but rather has conventional shorts taken up by his mother. It appears that she is raising the hem too far for the prudes at UEFA.
UEFA claim that the ever present danger of opposition players catching sight of Cole's penis, popping out from his shorts, brings the game into disrepute.
Cole's mother, Mrs Cole says that she gets Joe to stand on her coffee table in his shorts and rolls up the legs until she just catches sight of "his little winkie" She then lowers them by a quarter of an inch.
"Joe's little winkie acts like a sort of plimsoll line. I've seen his winkie before, I used to change his nappy remember? He doesn't mind one bit" said Mrs Cole today.
When asked whether she could set the hem a full inch below the tip of Joe's winkie to satisfy UEFA, Mrs Cole said, "Why should I? I don't tell UEFA how to wear their trousers and I believe the length a footballer prefers to wear his shorts is a private matter between the footballer, his mother and God."
Mrs Cole went on to say "UEFA is lucky that Joe wears shorts at all. It was only teasing by his team mates during training that stopped him wearing the thong we both prefer"
Joe Cole himself was unavailable for comment.
From the desk of Rickie E Room
