"Failure...alcohol...roasting": Capello impresses England team with his command of need-to-know English vocabulary

Funny story written by Simon Cockle

Monday, 4 February 2008

image for "Failure...alcohol...roasting": Capello impresses England team with his command of need-to-know English vocabulary

The new England manager, Fabio Capello, who many doubted would be able to effectively work with his players due to his lack of English, has made a good impression in his first full day on the job. Working without an interpreter, Fabio was able to talk at length about issues that really concerned the players.

The ability to be "failures" was a key idea the new manager wanted to communicate. "Without failure," he said, "an England team is nothing. It is just another team." He was also able to discuss with the players how much alcohol to drink to get thrown out of a nightclub, the best way to book all the rooms in a hotel and fill them with prostitutes, and, of course, how to "roast" a glamour model.

The chief executive of the FA, Brian Barwick, explained "Fabio is a manager of world-renown. He has to get the best performance out of the players. Speaking their language is essential."

During the day, Capello worked with the full squad ahead of their first match against Switzerland. The training session involved dodging paparazzi photographers, rushing to put a bet on at Ladbrokes and weight-training with bags of shopping from Louis Vuitton.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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