Scott Boras: "I Go Back NewportBeachistan!"

Funny story written by Frank Coffey

Sunday, 18 November 2007

New York - eTrueSports has just learned that super agent Scott Boras, after a week of humiliations, is quitting the sports representation business and will return to his homeland of NewportBeachistan.

"Too many rules in America, said Boras. "In my country, I lie, is okay, no problem. No one say nothing."

Boras has been under siege since he publicly announced during the fourth and final game of the World Series that his client Alex Rodriguez would not be returning to the New York Yankees. His statement immediately became front page news, upstaging baseball's premier event, and provoked an outraged response in the sporting community. Many found that the timing of the announcement revealed Boras to be, in the words of one commentator, "a self-aggrandizing boor." Few found a subsequent apology convincing.

"I no lout or pig," pleaded Boras in a telephone interview. "All big misunderstanding."

To make matters worse Rodriguez is reported to be in direct contact with the Yankees about returning to the team, a huge public embarrassment for an agent whose ego has been described, charitably, as out sized. (Yankee officials have stated they will "not be in the same room" as Boras.) And now comes word that another top client, Kenny Rogers, has fired summarily Boras.

Boras, who in past times of conflict with his top client has been known to take up residence in client's homes for days on end until he gets his way, is reportedly flying to Miami today in an attempt to meet with Cynthia and Alex Rodriguez. On condition of anonymity, a friend of Rodriguez's familiar with A-Rod's thinking said, "To get through that door? There's not enough sh*t on the planet for him to eat."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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