Uefa will today launch an investigation into the disgraceful scenes at Parkhead last night when a harmless playful drunken Glaswegian appeared to propose to Dida at the end of Celtic's 2-1 victory over Milan.
Celtic's players and the vast majority of Britain were celebrating Scotty McDougal's soaring, magnificent late winner, when the lovelorn Scot ran onto the pitch in the traditional manner.
He ran to Dida in the Milan goal with only one thing on his mind: love. First he gestured in the face of the Brazilian before aiming a playful slap which seemed to connect. Dida, not understanding the local custom of slapping and headbutting someone you love, behaved in a cowardly foreign manner, and fell to the floor clutching the wrong cheek.
Scottish correspondent Ralph McRage: "It was lucky the wee man didnay stamp in the baldy git's baws."
Dida's disgraceful behaviour is almost certain to ensure Celtic are awarded the game 3-0, and AC Milan will be forced to play the remainder of their games behind locked doors. And good riddance we say. Dirty cheating foreign scumbags.
