Bush signs with New York Yankees

Funny story written by Doug Powers

Saturday, 6 March 2004

image for Bush signs with New York Yankees
Bush, above, is off to a quick 2-0 start in spring training, both forfeit wins over frightened teams

George Steinbrenner's quest to put together a team of the most famous and expensive names in sports has now taken a turn into the world of politics.

"After we signed A-Rod, I said to myself, 'Why confine this team to only professional baseball players,'" Said the controversial owner of the Yankees.

"My goal is to make this a famous team, not just a winning team. There's no better way to get noticed than by having the President of the United States in your starting pitching rotation."

President Bush is expected to start on opening day, but all Yankees players aren't thrilled about having the leader of the free world on their team.

Among them, shortstop Derek Jeter. "It's kinda cool having him pitch here, but it could cost the team some wins. I mean, our new first baseman is a Secret Service agent with no baseball experience, and our catcher has to not only call all the pitches, but also lug around the president's 'football'-- that thing that has all the nuclear launch codes in it. This could get a little disconcerting."

Bush's first start in Florida during spring training was the cause of some controversy over whether or not it's a good idea for the president to be playing in the league.

The game, against the Philadelphia Phillies, was marred after Dale Erskin, a walk-on who was trying to make the club as a right fielder, was hit by a pitch thrown by Bush. When Erskin charged the mound, he was shot to death by Secret Service agents.

Bush's next start, which was to be against the Florida Marlin's, never took place. The game was forfeited to the Yankees after several Marlin players came down with the flu all at the same time, claiming they were unable to play.

Jeter later recanted his concerns. "On second thought, maybe he'll actually win us some games!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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