New York City, N.Y., U.S.A. - Shock Radio Jockey Howard Stern has announced today that he has been 'born again' after a recent screening of The Passion of the Christ and will repent for his previous radio programs.
In an announcement that stunned all of his friends, his girlfriend and their favourite midget love partner, Mr. Stern proclaimed, "I didn't realize that Jesus was such a cool guy... he could have really been a good drinking buddy!"
Promising that he will return to the air soon with a whole new show, Howard Stern proclaimed "I'm going to do right by the Lord from now on, you know? No more radio sex with naked women... unless of course they're married first."
Pope John Paul II, (a.k.a. JP2, The Clerical Relic) commented that "Howie has always been a really, really, really bad little sinner so he's going to have to work really hard at being a Christian."
Mr. Stern's girlfriend, who asked not to be named, indicated that the conversion was instant. "About an hour after we went to see that Mel Gibson movie, Howie and I got married. We honeymooned with a whole crucifixion themed bridal suite... which actually wasn't so bad except for all of the pain and suffering."
Howard Stern returns to the air next week on a new Christian call-in show called Stern for Jesus in which the newly converted Stern will flagellate himself at the top of every hour for being such an ass in the past.