Written by King David

Monday, 9 April 2007

image for Westminster Kennel Club to sponsor dog shows like you've never seen before; dogs judged on shape and size of the penis
"Hey baby, ya wanna come to my place?"

The Westminster Kennel Club which was founded in 1877 in North America has announced new criteria for judging canine conurbation. Now that scientists have discovered a gene affecting dog penis size, the WKC is adopting new standards.

In addition to general appearance, movement, temperament and physical traits such as height, weight, coat, colors, eye color, stool color, texture and shape, ear shape and placement, feet and tail male dogs will be judged on the size and shape of their penises.

Yet specific standards for judging, say the WKC, will be determined individually and owned by the parent clubs of each breed of dog. All standards, after they are adopted, must be written and available for public consumption and conurbation.

The Westminster Kennel Club dog show, one of the few remaining shows with this feature, will remain a "benched show." That is, all dogs, after being judged in the ring, will return to their assigned area (on benches) and will remain there at all times when not in the ring.

This is an educational feature of the shows and allows for greater interaction of dogs with their owners and spectators and will guarantee that folks in the back row will get an eye-full when they see the dog's wanger. There will also be educational "consultants" from the WKC on hand to explain this feature on the dogs to small children who ask.

Awards of Best of Breed (BOB) and Best of Variety (BOV) will be given for each of the seven groups of dogs in the show. Those groups are: Sporting, Hound, Working, Terrier, Toy, Non-Sporting and Herding. The winners of all groups in both categories (BOB) and (BOV) will advance to compete for the coveted, Biggest in Show (BIS) award, or the dog with the biggest wanger.

A dog with a certain number of points in AKC shows is considered a "champion." A dog must be a "champion" to be considered for the Westminster show.

"Historically, the Hound group would have been a shoe-in for the Biggest in Show," said WKC spokesperson, Brittany Pointer. "They're the group with the Irish Wolfhound, a mammoth of a dog with a nine-inch wanger. But now, since the Chihuahuas with the nine-inch penises have been discovered, it's a whole new ball-game. No pun intended."

For the future, the WKC is also considering judging dogs on the shape and size of their testicles, how low do they hang, how fine the hair and how much sperm do they produce. Other categories might include:

Hot dog and Jalapeno pepper eating contest
Foulest flatulence
Most obnoxious bark
Rat wrestling
Hydrant pissing (distance and accuracy tested)
Leg humping (frequency and endurance tested)
And for the Chihuahua's with the nine-inch peckers, the "tractor pull"

Please contact the WKC for any further developments.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Dogs

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