Commissioner's Aide Sneaks Firearms Provision into Little League Baseball Rules

Funny story written by Kagendo

Wednesday, 4 April 2007

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8-year-old Bobby Benning is Surprised by Rival Pitcher's Pickoff Move, Which Involves a Barrett Sniper Rifle

Little League Baseball has been rocked by a scandal which has caused the serious injury of dozens of children. In the last League Rules Session, a commissioner's aide snuck in a provision sanctioning the use of firearms on active baserunners not on base.

The rule states that the attacking player must "be in possession of the ball when firing," but outlines no further restriction as to allowable firearms or targetable locations. So far, there have been no fatalities, but parents are still concerned.

"I had to spend $40 on a glove," says little league dad Martin Fields, "Now what, I have to go out and buy a gun, too? Is a rifle okay, or does it have to be a handgun? And what about hospital bills? I'm just not sure this is a good idea."

The NRA, however, has come to the defense of the new provision.

"I think people are looking at this the wrong way," says NRA spokesman Chuck Humble, "Americans have a God-given right to firearms in this country, and what is more symbolically American than Baseball? This may not be a bad thing at all, and I think you may soon see Major and Minor Leagues following suit."

Little League Shortstop Johnny Spencer disagrees. "Ow, ow, my arm! Ow, my arm! Oh, God, my arm."

Whatever the outcome, it is clear that until the rule is revised, firearms use on the basepath remains legal. And though most agree that the rules should be changed, there is disagreement on exactly what this change should be. Many parents and officials believe that there should be a simple repeal of the added provision, but there is a growing movement, led by the NRA, to make other changes.

"This rule revision is a blessing in disguise," says the NRA's Humble, "It's breathed life back into a dying sport, but I do agree that it's currently too one-sided. That's why we think baserunners should be allowed to fire back. Think of how exciting baseball could become."

Whatever happens, baseball and 2nd amendment rights enthusiests everywhere will be waiting and watching, and occasional dodging stray bullets.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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