Kieren Fallon slams Dettori as 'far bigger crook'

Funny story written by queen mudder

Saturday, 31 March 2007

image for Kieren Fallon slams Dettori as 'far bigger crook'
Once he was sitting pretty on any nag of his choice

Ballydoyle - (Leprachaun Press): Disgraced former champion jockey Kieren Fallon has laid into fellow flat racing rider Frankie Dettori as being a 'far bigger crook, in as well as out of the saddle than I could ever aspire to being'.

The bitter words come as the 42 year old sidelined ace faces a bleak six months sitting in the wings waiting for his corruption trial at the Old Bailey.

In September there will be a raft of charges saying he fleeced punters with impunity with crap riding on racing contenders more suited to the glue factory than seven furlongs, good to firm at York, Sandown and Epsom.

But Fallon is unrepentant.

Watching the UAE Group 2 Derby from a dingy betting shop in Shergar, County Louse, Fallon told a press interview today that it's simply not on to charge him for some relatively minor racing infringement "and leave mega-crooks like Dettori sitting pretty on Group One winners all over the world."

Fallon then dropped his biggest ever bombshell and alleged that Godolphin's blue-eyed wonder boy is a cuckoo - an implant doppleganger son of former UK Prime Monster John Major - "and as such a half brother to Heather Mills, Major's bastard spawn by Edwina Curry."

Dettori has made a fortune riding for the Arabian Gulf's biggest professional crooks the McTomb Raider family of Dubai.

Shaikh Mohammed of Dubai has claimed ownership of the Godolphin racing corporation for over 12 years but UK racing documents tell a far different story.

"He's a crook, no doubt about it," said a senior retired Met detective who knows everything you could ever imagine about this dodgy pirate dynasty infesting the Gulf Emirate.

"And what's more, that dodgy President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran is the fruit of his loins, conceived during a blue moon filial-duty heterosexual moment and regretted ever since."

And Ballydoyle Stud is money-laundering front for disgraced former US Ambassador to the UK William Stamps Faris III, host to Hitler's daughter, aka the Duchess of Edinburgh - before her White House State Visit in May this year.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more