Did UCLA Bruins Deliberately Fall 32 Points Behind Utah Utes?

Written by Ralph E. Shaffer

Sunday, 17 November 2019

image for Did UCLA Bruins Deliberately Fall 32 Points Behind Utah Utes?
Touchdown, whoever the Bruins' opponents might be!

Salt Lake City, Utah. Art Kohn reporting for Sports On Spoof - SOS. The UCLA Bruins reverted to pre-conference ineptitude tonight in a horrendous 49-3 blowout loss to potential BCS bowl contender Utah.

When two long Bruin drives early in the first quarter netted only 3 points instead of 14, and the Utes put 28 points on the board by the end of the half, UCLA diehard fans recalled the miraculous come-from-behind win at Pullman against Washington State earlier this season. Against the Cougars, the Bruins trailed by 32 points in the third quarter, yet won 67-63.

Following a Ute third quarter TD last night, the Bruins were indeed 32 points behind. Did Bruin coach Chip Kelly allow that touchdown on purpose?

The small band of UCLA fanatics who made the trek to Salt Lake took heart and awaited a Bruin resurgence against the highly rated - 7 on the AP poll - Utah team. Had Coach Kelly's boys played in the second half the way they did at Pullman, it might have worked. Instead, the Bruins went scoreless in the second half while the Utes tacked on 14 more points.

You should have heard the defeatist comments on the Bruin after-game radio show! It sounded like a replay of the program heard the night after UCLA lost its third consecutive pre-conference game earlier this year.

With six losses already, and a likely loss to USC ahead, Bruin footballers will probably take temporary jobs at the post office during Christmas break rather than lounge on the beach in Hawaii or San Diego. The Utes, on the other hand, are bound for the Rose Bowl... or beyond, if they finish the season with only one loss and take the Pac 12 championship game.

Odds makers in Vegas have already posted the betting line on UCLA's first 3 non-conference games in 2020. IF they are right, the Bruins will finish 0 and 3 pre-conference for the third year in a row. With the Bruin athletic director having already announced that he will step down in July, the odds on Coach Kelly returning 'for another season are even worse.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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