Brian Asshat, a 64-year-old train-spotter from Chutney on the Fritz, is once again complaining, but this time it is because he has spent some time in the park kicking a ball around with some of his mates. It is November.
Asshat told us, 'It was great, I saw John and Darren from the office, kicking a ball around in the park, and I thought that, for a change, I would join in with them.'
Darren said, 'We were only kicking the ball around, as we were waiting for our sons to join us, when Brian turns up, kicks the football twice, and told us about the N11 he had seen in the morning.'
Darren's son, Asterix, said 'We saw Dad, John and an ancient man kicking my football around. It was so embarrassing. The old man was a much better footballer than my Dad is.'
'Of course, Brian is not a better footballer than I am,' said Darren, 'we just had to make it look like he was winning. He is my boss, after all.'