Mick's Swiss Miss

Written by Backandtotheleft

Wednesday, 4 September 2019

image for Mick's Swiss Miss
I'd bring back hanging for anyone who attempts a backheel

Charisma dynamo and Republic of Ireland manager, Mick McCarthy, has admitted that this weeks Switzerland game is “the biggest” since his return to international management.

Giving the interview from inside the white paint section of his local BnQ he said:

This is going to be one of the biggest games of my career but I’m not going to get too excited about it. I once got next day delivery on a cupboard from “the online” ow that’ something to get excited about. Football? No not for me.

Republic of Ireland V Switzerland has always been viewed as one of international footballs glamour fixtures. With fans travelling from all corners of the footballing community to see Jeff Hendrik hoof the ball up in the air only for Fabian Schar to head the ball back into the air before it touches the ground.

Mick has remained steadfastly committed to his ideal that football should be a terrible, tooth pulling slog devoid of joy by picking four strikers who have never scored at this level.

Mick defended his selection choices saying:

People need to get realistic. Goals equal excitement and excitement equals heart attacks and infidelity. Do you want me to turn the Aviva Stadium into a den of sin? This goal business isn’t for me thank you very much.

The Republic currently sit top of Group D with ten points and the rest of the footballing world praying they can’t carry on their march to the World Cup.

Responding to criticisms of “boring the shit out of people with your terrible fucking football.

Mick said:

Look. I’m not a Tom Cruise or a Lewis Hamilton. My job is to give the working class what they need. Which is 90 minutes of slog, graft and pride. I’m not a Fancy Dan and I’m not having my players behaving like fairy ponces. Trust me if one of your Lionel Pogbas or whatever tried a step over in one of my teams, I’d be sending him down to the local army barracks the very next day to explain to all our brave lads what the hell he thinks he’s doing.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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