Patriots Fighting Deportation After Renouncing US Citizenship

Funny story written by XRhonda Speaks

Sunday, 12 February 2017

image for Patriots Fighting Deportation After Renouncing US Citizenship
Patriot fans in New Brunswick protest the deportation order.

Several more New England Patriots have renounced their US citizenship in protest of President Trump's incendiary comments on minorities and immigrants--now they are being threatened with deportation by the president himself.

Devin McCourty was the first Patriot to say he would renounce his US citizenship and explained the reason for his protest.

"I can't speak for the other guys but look, I'm a US citizen, and except for playing football, I don't feel wanted in my own country, as a black man I am not seen as valuable. I don't feel comfortable being a citizen of a country that treats minorities and immigrants so harshly when they are such a vital part of the fabric of our communities."

The president unleashed his criticism of McCourty and the other Patriots while on another late night Twitter rampage.

"It's just disgusting how a few immature athletes politicized the Superbowl, it really kills the joy of the sport. We'll have them deported if they want to renounce their citizenship."

Now faced with the threat of deportation, a long list of countries have been offering citizenship status to the McCourty six. Many of the countries courting the protesting Patriots, like Romania and Cuba, have also been vying for an NFL expansion team. North Korea in fact has had Dennis Rodman on the payroll the last two years to lobby on it's behalf for an NFL expansion team.

McCourty's attorney, Beth Cassandro, spoke to CNN's Jake Tapper and said the threat of deportation is just a threat.

"My client has not even started the official process to give up his citizenship, and he plans to remain a legal permanent resident afterward, so this deportation action is completely illegal and unconstitutional, it's a personal vendetta against my client instigated by the president."

"In keeping with the spirit of his protest, Mr. McCourty is favoring accepting citizenship in one of the seven countries targeted by the president's failed Muslim ban, maybe Libya or Somalia."

Tom Brady, now with five Superbowl wins under his belt, is torn between supporting his teammates and the tradition of visiting the White House.

"I may have to skip it," the star quarterback said, "a lot of the guys are upset that Steve Bannon's decorator had the bathrooms painted with Whites only and Colored--and during Black History Month no less."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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