Steve Davis scores a maximum with Hazel

Funny story written by niches78

Thursday, 8 May 2014


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The recent World Snooker Championships held at the Crucible, Sheffield were electrifying for all who saw it, with Mark Selby being crowned champion for 2014 after an epic duel with "the Rocket" Ronnie O'Sullivan.

However it's what happened "off the table" that will come as a shock to many. Steve Davis, former 6 times world champion, may have a reputation for being the most boring player ever to hold a cue but during the first round of matches many in and around the Crucible noticed that the nugget was becoming increasingly flirtatious with the lovely, vibrant and very Scottish Hazel Irvine. The two have shared a commentary booth for many years now but until now, at least, Davis' desires have been undisturbed.

Fellow commentator Ken Doherty says "Steve usually looks as miserable as they come, but this last week he's had a wry smile on his face and a strange smell of old spice" whilst John Parrott went on to say pretty much the same thing.

However things took a shocking turn when Alan "Angles" McManus turned up at the crucible to get some early practice in ahead of his Quarter-Final with Mark Selby. "I was up early and got to the crucible about 8am" says the tartan trousered Angles. "I wanted to get a couple of quiet frames in on the practice table before anyone was about. And that's when I heard some funny noises. Not the typical noises of the practice room, the sound of balls clacking as they drop into the pocket, I could hear the floorboards creaking and a lot of screaming and shouting."

What Alan saw next will haunt him for the rest of his life. "I thought there were burglars in the practice room, so I picked up my cue and burst in to confront them. And that's when I caught the horrible sight. I seen two people on the practice table, clearly nearing an end of a frame themselves. It was difficult to make them out in the early morning light but then I heard "oh my god it's 1981 again" and it looked just like Davis. Then someone resembling Irvine popped up from the baulk end and I nearly died"

McManus is in no doubt that what he saw that morning contributed to his quarter-final exit from the tournement. "Every time I lined up a shot I seen Davis' rear end and I missed" says Alan, who is considering his future in the game.

Both Davis and Irvine strongly deny the allegations and have threatened legal action against McManus. However, McManus is standing firm and will fight his corner if necessary. "I like many others have built our careers around a snooker table. I never expected a former world champion and legend of the game to be using it for potting his own balls. I just hope for Hazel's sake he didn't finish in off"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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