Leeds Players Refuse To Move To Leeds

Written by Jack Allen

Saturday, 12 July 2014

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The good side of the city...

The entire Leeds United Squad has been transfer listed after they collectively refused to follow new owner Massimo Cellino's request of moving to Leeds.

The plan was for the players to become a close-knit squad, capable of obtaining an ever elusive promotion spot. However, the plan has seemingly fallen at the first hurdle as the current batch of Leeds players are ironically standing united for the first time against the clubs new owner.

"Fuck right off!!" said young midfielder Luke Murphy. "Why do you think Ross left? He got wind of this and got a move to London. The lucky bastard."

It is believed Leeds' latest signing, Italian goalkeeper Marco Silvestri, doesn't know anything about the city of Leeds but has sided with his teammates because of rumours he has heard regarding a famous Leeds fan being involved in numerous child sex abuse cases.

Massimo Cellino is understandably flabbergasted at the level of defiance the current squad is showing and released the following statement through the club earlier today.

"All I want is a football club that this city can be proud of. I have my ways to make this so. If I took over Hull City and asked the squad to move there then I would understand. I hear it is dreadful although I watched an old British TV programme yesterday which said it has a great university! But this is Leeds. A place which deserves great football. If they don't want to move then I'll get a new squad from Italy that'll even make Watford and Manchester City look English."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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