"The FUN-draiser to get Brandon Ashley new legs" and ELITE 8 PREVIEW: Wisconsin vs Arizona

Funny story written by College Freakin Hoops

Saturday, 29 March 2014

Sean Miller views his coaching job a lot like a buffet, feasting on superb talent and washing it down with a carbonated soda of success (which only costs $1.85 extra given the right circumstances). This sort of gluttony has led him to gain an unhealthy amount of metaphoric weight on his metaphysical body and he might have a heart attack.

911 is on my speed dial for tonight and if I see Sean Miller acting a bit wonky on TV, you all will know exactly what's happening to him on a metaphysical level.

Wisconsin's Frank Kaminsky has proven to be a slam dunk in the talent dumpster throughout this tournament. This self-proclaimed "trash man" will continue making baskets as if he were lofting paper mache into a waste disposal.

But how you gonna shoot 3's with the Arizona's pack-line defense? Wisconsin coach Bo Ryan can't seem to figure it out and this morning had to be restrained by giant police when asked a wily question by one of the reporters. This reporter was wearing a trenchcoat and seemed to think he was detective Colombo or something, so I personally think Bo's outburst was understandable.

- Will injured star Brandon Ashley return for Arizona? No one is talking about this, but we here at College Freakin Hoops can never rule it out. This is, after all, March Madness.

We are taking donations for the Brandon Ashley fund. We are trying to raise enough money to attach him to some leg units. If successful in our funding, he could almost certainly see some action for Sean Miller's squad tonight.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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