First Grader Sets Unrealistic Expectations for Classmates' Chicken Pox Recovery

Written by Jordan Alexander

Tuesday, 8 October 2013

Six-year-old Tommy Wilson shocked his teacher and classmates when he walked into school on Thursday, just two days after being diagnosed with chicken pox.

The illness, which typically lasts anywhere from 1-3 weeks, is currently plaguing several of Wilson's classmates who are now trying to return quickly, or "pull a Wilson".

"I was skeptical at first whether he'd be ready," said Wilson's teacher Patricia Robinson. "Boy was I wrong! Just this morning I saw him reading a book way above our class' reading level and practicing long division, which our school doesn't even teach until third grade!"

While most of Wilson's classmates' parents plan to hold their children out until they've fully recovered, one student in particular had vocalized his intention of coming back to school after only a three-day hiatus.

"I'll be back and better than ever," said Bobby Griffiths, one of Ms. Robinson's top students. "I've already been working on my coloring, my reading, and my times tables. I'll be crushing the whole class in gold stars and smiley face stickers."

However, upon his return, Griffiths has looked out of sorts in Ms. Robinson's class.

"He made a simple mistake while trying to subtract 3 from 7, his spelling isn't where it needs to be, and don't even get me started on his handwriting. It's like he's never written a capital 'P' in his life. He should've waited longer before coming back, that's for sure," said Robinson.

Other students have taken the opposite approach, wanting to make sure that they're fully ready before setting foot in the class.

"I know that the doctor said I was fine, but I just don't feel ready," said Stephanie Aldridge. It has now been two weeks since Aldridge was cleared by Dr. Andrew James, the lead pediatrician in town.

While some are in awe of Wilson's quick recovery, some of his classmates are very suspicious.

"I don't see how it's possible. These chicken pox are so itchy and I can't stop scratching! Two days? He must have taken something," said classmate Jason Peterson. "We've gotta test him."

Wilson however denies any wrongdoing. "My mom just gave me a lot of calamine lotion, chicken soup, and fluids. I guess I'm just a quick healer."

At recess the next day, suspicions mounted when Wilson peed his pants and the urine was a strange shade of purple.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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