Red Sox Next on List of Free Agent Turncoats, Just Ask Jacoby Ellsbury

Funny story written by Ossurworld

Sunday, 17 March 2013

BOSTON TURNSTILE-- Take a number, Jacoby Ellsbury. Next one in the bakery line to leave Boston is the Red Sox representative.

In the matter of a year or so, New England sports fans have been shot full of more holes than the proverbial donut at the bakery.

First, Tim Thomas of the Boston Bruins, agitated by media and fan criticisms of his odd political decisions, chose to do one better than sign with another team. He simply took a leave-of-absence and moved his family to Colorado in the dark of night.

Next, Ray Allen of the Boston Celtics, infuriated by the antics and snubs of Rajon Rondo, turned down twice as much money with the Celtics to go sit on the bench in Miami (but move more steadily to another NBA championship).

This week Wes Welker, formerly of the New England Patriots, took his talents to Mile High in Denver. There he could play with the other QB legend of his generation. Peyton Manning may be the best antidote to Tom Brady.

Only one team in Boston still awaits their major defection. Yes, Red Sox fans, your turn comes next.

We already know the name of the player who shall flee the city with animosity and nonchalance in equal dollops.

The next turncoat and free agent will be Red Sox centerfielder Jacoby Ellsbury.

There is no suspense and no reason for a great hue and cry. We know he is going, and it is a matter of when. Perhaps the team will simply trade him away before the August deadline.

Whatever happens and however it happens, this will mean Boston shall suffer the departure of a major star from each of its teams, all within a year or so.

Well, this is called poetic justice. All four teams won their sport championships within the past decade. It seems only fair that Boston fans reap the wind after so many victories.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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