Wes Welker Named Pope of Gillette Stadium

Funny story written by Ossurworld

Tuesday, 12 March 2013

VATICAN CITY, FOXBORO - Like the poster of Uncle Sam pointing out at you, saying: "I want you," for service to the country, Patriots owner Robert Kraft told media, "We want Wes." Yes, they really do.

Kraft hopes Welker will remain a Patriot for life. It looks like Wes's life is over.

It also sounds like they also like Sally Field. It sounds a little much a little too late.

The Patriots may be positioning themselves for a public relations disaster the likes of which they have not felt in a decade.

After years of treating Welker like a junkyard dog, feeding him millions of dollars in scraps, the dog may be ready to bite back on the Kraft family.

Media sources have been reporting Welker has "mild disdain" for Bill Belichick. After being benched, overlooked, humiliated, and tagged, what could be mild?

Mild disdain is what we in the language business call an oxymoron. This is not something you would expect to find in the intelligent media.

You likely encountered oxymoron when coaches talk about "football intelligence." The red flag ought to go up. It means the player cannot balance a checkbook.

Coach Belichick is the master of "tough love." He seems to use it on Welker more than anyone else on his roster. The oxymoron may have now backfired.

So, now tough love and mild disdain has met football intelligence, the fans may be facing the ultimate oxymoron: losing winners.

Forget turning to Rome for the white smoke/black smoke signals, the media will be watching the chimney over Gillette Stadium for word on whether the Patriots have made the smart choice.

Wes is trying on robes and miter hat as his election as pope of Gillette Stadium is on hold.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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