Written by Dontquotemenews

Wednesday, 20 February 2013

The decision by the International Olympic Committee to drop wrestling from the Games and replace it with synchronized sweating has triggered a wave of protests around the athletic world.

"This is a slap in the face for all the serious sports that are competing to be included in the Olympics," said Marsupial Trackhummer, Chairperson of the International Flower Arranging Federation. The organization is lobbying hard for a place in the next Games.

Similar protests have been lodged by the International Dominoes League, the Egg-and-Spoon Racing Federation, and the World Scrabble Association.

Synchronized sweating is a relatively new sport that requires teams to perspire in unison. Points are scored for generating beads of sweat in certain patterns in the same areas of the body.

"You need a huge amount of mental control over your sweat glands and a lot of muscle discipline to compete at the highest level," explained Yogi Moistrun from Nauru, the current world champion. The Pacific Island nation producers some of the world's most accomplished synchronized sweaters.

Despite the protests, leading nations are scrambling to develop synchronized sweating athletes. The University of the Bayou in Louisiana is the only program available in the US, and is expected to lead the effort to ensure that the country develops world-class sweaters before the next Olympic Games.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Olympics

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