The entire British Olympic team are having to return all medals after it was revealed that government agents had been spraying "slowing down" gas through the vents at the opposition sleeping quarters.
Whistleblower Agent Dodgy Noseybastard thought it was disappointing our athletes weren't allowed to compete fairly but he had the last laugh spraying super fast lunatic speed gas into the room of athlete Insane Bolt causing him to run at 120mph and carry out strange arm gestures.
Lord Coke found disposing of numerous gas canisters at the local scrapyard said" don't believe Noseybastard he was just annoyed he lost loads of money on his G4S shares"
The Easter Island team are the only team not entering a protest stating" We are happy with our milk chocolate medal for coming 16th in the egg and spoon race a personal best for our Country and we look forward to sending two or more athletes to Rio if they can get time off at the pound shop"
